Saturday

Life continues and I am finding a fair amount of emotionally bad days. Sometimes I am sad...sometimes I am even mad. Still, for the most part, I am happy, and really, really want to stay that way throughout this ordeal. I have been a lucky woman to have found such a love, I don't want to pass through these days and miss the wonderful blessing that has come to me.

Still, it can be hard, and i don't think I have even come to the hard part yet! Last night we babysat the grandkids. Kenny is really not much help anymore and in fact he is one more that I need to watch out for. I need to get the kids AND him out of the car. At this point he can still get out, but I get his walker. If I think getting him out now is hard....wait. Anyway...It is just such a strange time.

The doctor said he probably has about a year. Yes...i can see that. He is getting weaker by the day it seems. He told me this morning that he wants to continue to have a great relationship with me as his wife...not his nursemaid. Ok...I need to keep that going on my end as well because I can see how I can feel the nursemaid part fits me better than wife. It will only get harder with that one.

A friend called yesterday and encouraged me to take care of myself during this time. I am getting chubby and I felt a little offended as I felt she was referring to that. Ken and I have laughed about that, and he feels that is NOT what she meant, but still, I sort of think she did. We were talking the night before about laying by the pool and I said I really don't want to do that now because of my chubbiness. So....I think....

Another friend....a very good friend....said to me the other night...."when Kenny dies, the world is your oyster". I am not exactly sure what that means, but I know it was meant to encourage and indeed it did. I will be ok. My life will still be sweet no matter what.