Valentine Card

I was cleaning out a cabinet yesterday and found a card that I knew was from Kenny. I know I have lots of cards from him around as he was always so good to give them to me. He even gave me cards at Easter...and Christmas. Sweet.

I hesitated. Did I want to open this card....read it? Kenny always picked mushy cards and wrote his own sentiment which were equally as mushy. I took the card, opened, and read. It was my first Valentine card from him. I met him on January 29th, so we are talking weeks...actually just days, of knowing each other. The card started out, "So Glad I Found You"....and off it went from there. And then Kenny wrote...."Dear Sweet Beautiful Karin, Thank you so much for coming into my life. I am so blessed to have found you, and I already can't imagine my life without you in it......"

Reading that card got me thinking of Kenny's love for me. This man really loved me. I think he knew how much I needed to be loved. He knew I had missed something along life's way and it was like he was trying to make up for it. And then....I think....when he knew he was going to die, he all the more wanted to pour his love into me. He wanted to fill me up.....to give me enough to outweigh the lack....to have something to live on after he was gone.

Life is certainly different than I had planned. When I met Kenny it was almost instantaneous that I felt I had found my home. I was with the one I wanted forever.....and I knew life would be good. And now that the plan has changed, I can say that life is still good. My life is still good. And I still feel loved. Kenny did that for me, and he did it well.

Unexpected

On Saturday I had my son over at the house and took advantage of his technical expertise. What I needed was a new email address that would coincide with my existing one. I tried for a few minutes beforehand but gave up easily as soon as I felt the frustration build. "I'll have Nate do it"....and so I did. While he was getting me set up, I suggested an email address that was very close to my existing one....just my middle initial rather than my whole middle name spelled out was the only difference. Easy. But when he checked, he said there was already an account with that address. Darn! As he was fiddling around, I was looking at my little index card with all my passwords of basically everything and noticed that I did have another email address.....and it was the one I had asked Nate to do. I had totally forgotten that Kenny had set me up....months ago. We typed it in, and yes....there is was. And along with it was the initial "test" email from Kenny. Just simple...just a few words....but they floored me....and brought me to tears....."hello....love you".

And then yesterday I was flicking through the TV stations and landed on the very last 20 minutes or so of Forrest Gump. I haven't watched it for quite some time and forgot how it ended. It was all quite sweet....his son....who was smart....who mimics his father.... and then Jenny....sick....they get married....Forrest takes care of her....she dies....and there he is standing at her grave, talking to her and says through his tears, "I miss you Jenny". I lost it. Again. Tears.

These moments come. Quite often they come and they are almost always unexpected. Of course I expect them. I expect to cry still....to miss him still....to want him back. But I never know just how they will come....I just know that they do....they always do...

"I miss you Kenny....and love you too".