Monday, December 3, 2012

A Year and a Half

When Kenny was in the earlier stages of ALS we went to our local hospital for him to get fitted for a hand brace in the occupational therapy department. While he was getting fitted and chatting with the OT, another OT came over and introduced herself. She overheard us talking and told us that her husband, who also lives in Carmel Valley, also had ALS. He was in the latter stages she told us, and gave us her card....."if there is anything I can do to help". On other visits to the OT we would talk with Amy and got to know her situation more. And then one day we heard he died.

Kenny and I were driving around CV one sunny, Sunday afternoon, and noticed a large gathering of people barbecuing at the local park. We knew it was a gathering, a celebration really, honoring the life of this man we had never met, yet somehow felt a connection to. We stopped and immediately Amy came over to us. We almost felt like celebrities as she dragged us around and introduced us to all her friends, informing them that Kenny also had ALS. I felt a little awkward when we first got out of the car to join this group of people that we really didn't know, but when we left I knew that the time spent was important for Amy, and for us too.

I have spoken with Amy a few times since that day. I believe it was our last conversation, one that occurred not too long after Kenny died, that she said " took me about a year and a half, and then I was OK".  I remember at the time thinking that a year and a half seemed like a long time, but now that I am here I see that is not the case. It is strange really....because it seems like almost yesterday that he was here.... and yet it seems like a lifetime ago....and both at the same time.

I am not sure if I am "OK" but I would like to think I am. I still cry...yes. I have my moments. But they are moments now....not days. And I find that I am looking ahead more than I am looking behind. I probably shouldn't think this way, but I sometimes wonder if my best days are behind me. Perhaps that is so....but they were the greatest of days.

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