Monday, January 10, 2011

I am back...

I took a break from this blog. Partly...well...not sure. But I did start another and sort of flaked on that one too. I am again. I was writing in my journal this morning and my hand started aching. I thought..."resurrect that blog!". And I am. Again.

I am feeling a lot of sadness these days. Kenny worsens daily it seems. I was looking at a picture of our wedding last night and lost it. He looked so handsome and HEALTHY, and on that day I was so full of hopes and dreams. I was at the beginning of a long a beautiful marriage and a wonderful second half of my life. That was only 16 months things have changed.

I have no idea what my life will look like but at this time I am picturing a pretty sad and lonely life. I see a horse. Yes...a horse will be my "new love"....but other than a life with a horse, my kids and grandkids, I don't see much else. I am feeling somewhat reclusive even now, and almost think I will go into hiding and thus begin a sheltered life from most people. I don't really want to be that way...I just feel it could easily happen. I have a lot of pretty dresses and don't see myself wearing them. I cannot picture ever dancing again.....

I don't know what the Lord has in mind for me....but right now...I don't like it.

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