Saturday, May 29, 2010

Another day

Yesterday was a good day. I am trying to keep it that way. One day at a time..and good. I had lunch with Debbie J., my old friend with whom I have not really had much of a relationship in years. I lost the friendship with many people when I divorced my husband of almost 30 years. I was a pastor's wife...had a lot of people around me, but few during the time of divorce. Not all because I was abandoned. I am sure it was mostly my desire to remove myself. I know people would feel the need to tell me I shouldn't do this and frankly the decision was made. I spared them of having to do that. But now....four years later and a new, wonderful husband, I am feeling the desire to reconnect with some of my old friends. Especially since my husband has been diagnosed with ALS. I know the road ahead will be tough and friends are always good to have around for moral support. The one thing I need to remember is when I do get together with my old friends is that I really need to leave the past in the past. I talked too much yesterday about this and that and today I have regret. I don't need/want to be bringing up what happened and why. No ones business and does no good. So....I learn. And move on. And hopefully I will stick to this and not be drawn in when I get together with my next old buddy.

I went to my old work place yesterday too. A lovely restaurant with lovely people working there and lovely customers too. There were a few old customers I would see on a regular basis that I sat with and caught up. Two, I mentioned Ken's condition- both turned very grave. One told me his brother died of ALS....a horrible disease he said. He got teary as he told me what a rough road was ahead. I know it...but I don't really KNOW it. I think there is still a measure of denial....this really isn't happening. All will be ok. Kenny will be fine again. "Lord, please!"

Today Kenny and I are going to Oakland to meet a friend for lunch who is visiting from Idaho. From there we will meet up with my sister who is going to give us a wheelchair. A wheelchair. So far, life has not been too distressing. Sure, I have to help Kenny get dressed and a few other things, but for the most part everything else is as normal. Sure, no more long walks or exercise classes, hikes or dance classes. But that has not been hard to handle. A wheelchair though. That is the beginning of different. The beginning of difficult. The beginning of "I don't want to do this anymore!" and yet I know it truly is just the beginning.

The man yesterday that I spoke with. I asked him if his brother was able to stay home and he said yes, up to the last few months, then he was in an assisted living place. Kenny had mentioned moving to one...the both of us. Depressing? yes. I am sure it would be. I want to stay here, in my lovely house in CV. Even without Kenny I want to stay here. But I cannot imagine being separated from him and I am sure he would not want that either. What to do? I don't know, but I also know I don't need to worry about it now. Today is a new day, and I believe it will be a good one. I can do today with the help of the Lord.

No comments:

Post a Comment