Monday, May 16, 2011


I don't think I make a very good caregiver. I really don't like flossing other people's teeth and a lot of other things I won't mention. It's really hard for me, and at times I can get a little queasy. I don't like shooting out of bed with "sweetheart, can you get me up" and being "on" before I even get a cup of coffee. Kenny used to sleep until 9 or 9:30 and I liked that. I could get up at a decent hour and still have a couple of hours to myself before he got up. But not now....crack of dawn and he is wanting up. He also wants to stay up until midnight, and with his talking half the night I almost always feel like I am just not quite cutting it with a good night sleep. When he does get up early, he more than not starts talking about his crazy dreams and frankly there are times I really don't want to hear about them. "I WANT TO SLEEP!" But I listen, and try to help him decipher what is real and what is not. He asked me to do this for him, otherwise he gets sort of obsessed with his dreams. Only when he comes to a full understanding that it truly was just a dream can he give it a rest. I have seen him go to the computer to try and figure out some crazy idea he is sure must be true. Poor guy....his brain is getting affected by carbon dioxide poisoning.

I think of that song "he ain't heavy, he's my brother".....and I wish I could think like that ALL the time. Kenny is so amazing, such a great person, such a love, but I have to say that sometimes he can be a load. But not for long. There are just days, or moments when it feels like that. When I feel tired and I don't want to floss teeth, or change his clothes, feed him, or move him from the chair to the couch, or..... yes....there are times where he feels heavy. But it doesn't take long before the love he so willingly gives me comes shining through and I cannot help but love him back.

We laugh too at some of the silly things he "sees". Yesterday as we were driving home from church he was dosing and then I noticed he was looking down as though he was looking for something. "What are you looking for"?...."Oh...he was asking for a receipt or something"...."who is 'he'"?....."oh, some little troll". Well...couldn't help laugh out loud with that one. Kenny just smiled feeling somewhat satisfied that I found it so amusing and that he, in some strange way, brought a huge smile to my face.

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