Friday

The night Kenny died I went to my son's house and hung out with the family. I am so blessed to have such great, supportive kids. On Wednesday, I only left the house to run to the bank and hug my leased horse. Then home....alone....the way I wanted it. I really didn't feel too alone though, I have never talked on the phone so much in my life. Then yesterday....home all day...again alone by choice, and then dinner at my daughter's house.

Today I decided to actually get dressed and go out. I chose to have lunch with a group of friends here in Carmel Valley. This is the same group that Kenny has been having lunch with for months now. Every Friday. Occasionally I would join them, but I usually saw it as an opportunity to run some errands while Kenny was safe in the company of others. I wanted to go today. I felt it was important as this group wanted to express their love and support to me and talk about the wonderful person Kenny was. It was good for them and for me.

And now, it is Friday night and I am alone again. I had a call to join some friends for a baseball game and dinner, but no, I want to be home. This place was so special for Kenny and I and for me it is a sanctuary. Of course it is missing something. It is missing the one I have loved with my whole heart, mind and soul. And although I will always love him and miss him, I will forever find comfort in the fact that our love was special, and real, and strong. Nothing, not even death can take that away. It is mine to hold on to, and cling to, and cherish for the rest of my life.