Thursday, May 5, 2011

Mind Games

Kenny has been experiencing some pretty vivid dreams lately. For the past several weeks he has been talking throughout the night. Not just words here and there but full dialogues. He remembers everything too. Like if I ask him "what did you mean when you said 'if anyone wakes up early I'll sue the pants off them'" ? He will go into detail about the cat who said that. But most of the times he is dreaming about some big business venture he is on, or that the room is full of people or even the bed for that matter. He sees things in the room at night, or the bed is weirdly shaped. Last night he was talking about our magical room and explaining why it was so. For the most part I just let him talk, but sometimes I will tell him he is dreaming. Sometimes, if I am wide awake, I will lay there and listen and find it quite amusing.

Usually at least once a night he tries to get out of bed, which basically means he puts his legs over the side and that is as far as he can go. I am thankful for that....otherwise I would be dealing with a man who could possibly stand and fall. So...his legs go over the side, and he can go no farther, but he cannot get them back on the bed. That is where I come in and get him settled again.

He has been sleeping most of the morning. Today, when he woke from his first nap, he asked if Gianti was still here. Gianti? Who the heck is that??? We both laugh and later at breakfast he said Gianti is the other caregiver but he doesn't look like his name should be Gianti. (of course, there is no such guy) so I asked him what his name should be and he said "Tiny". " he's small".... "yes, very"....and so it goes. He also said another thing that sent a chill through me when he woke from his nap. He said "I think I am going to die today". what??? He said he is reading a book with other people (he is not) and the main character is suppose to die today. He is suppose to die the same day as the main character. So..... (sigh)....another day of my baby slipping away.

He did say yesterday when he was in clear form, that he really does feel he is in his last days. He said the past two or three days he has felt very different. Before, even though his body was failing and his breathing labored, and although he felt tired at times, he still felt normal. But normal. We have some papers to sign that needs a notary that we have been putting off. He said this morning "let's go do this today before I get too loopy". Poor guy.

He told me last night that as much as possible he wants us to have a great marriage to the end. "Let me know if I am not being a good husband, ok?" That guy. I cannot believe that in all that he is going through one of his main thoughts is how to be a good husband to me. How to love me well and what he can do to make my life better. I cannot believe how fortunate I have been to know this man and to love and be loved by him. In all the ups and downs and craziness of this life, I have been so blessed to live a fairytale.

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