Wednesday, June 1, 2011

One Week

Little did I know when I woke up last Tuesday that it would be the final day. The day Kenny would exit this world and enter glorious heaven. Little did I know that it would be the last morning that I would wake up with my true love beside me. I didn't could I know? But I knew it was coming, and I knew it was coming soon. Kenny passed away while taking a nap. I had been on the phone with someone while he was sleeping and told that person I thought he had about a week. A week, not minutes. I kept checking in on him while he was napping, noticed his usual labored breathing, and then, at one of my check ins.....quiet. I knew he was gone. Just like that.

It was like something burst inside of me. A dam that had been shored up came undone and I felt a wave of sorrow, unbelief and tears come over me. I crawled in bed next to him, spooning him from behind and cried and hugged and kissed and cried. At one point I called my friend and neighbor who I had just gotten off the phone with before my final check in. "He DIED!"..."what???"....."Kenny died!"....."I'll be right over". His uncle came, my son came, Hospice came. Suddenly it was all so final. It was a day I will never forget and I day I would never want to relive. But I do relive it. I have relived it every day many times over. They say that time is a great healer and I believe that to be so. I know there will come a time when I don't think of that day as often as I do now. That day will come....Kenny would want it to.

What I do want to remember is the life we had. The life he had when he was strong and healthy and whole. I want to remember the long walks we took that always turned into adventures. The Tuesday night dance lessons or hitting golf balls at the Ranch. I want to remember that birthday when Kenny bought me ten dresses. Kenny was fun. Really fun. And he loved me. Really loved me. I never thought I would be loved like that. Didn't think it was in the cards for me. But I was loved by him. And it will last me. If that is all the love I will find from here on out, it will last me. It was a gift.... and it was enough.

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