It was like something burst inside of me. A dam that had been shored up came undone and I felt a wave of sorrow, unbelief and tears come over me. I crawled in bed next to him, spooning him from behind and cried and hugged and kissed and cried. At one point I called my friend and neighbor who I had just gotten off the phone with before my final check in. "He DIED!"..."what???"....."Kenny died!"....."I'll be right over". His uncle came, my son came, Hospice came. Suddenly it was all so real....so final. It was a day I will never forget and I day I would never want to relive. But I do relive it. I have relived it every day many times over. They say that time is a great healer and I believe that to be so. I know there will come a time when I don't think of that day as often as I do now. That day will come....Kenny would want it to.
What I do want to remember is the life we had. The life he had when he was strong and healthy and whole. I want to remember the long walks we took that always turned into adventures. The Tuesday night dance lessons or hitting golf balls at the Ranch. I want to remember that birthday when Kenny bought me ten dresses. Kenny was fun. Really fun. And he loved me. Really loved me. I never thought I would be loved like that. Didn't think it was in the cards for me. But I was loved by him. And it will last me. If that is all the love I will find from here on out, it will last me. It was a gift.... and it was enough.