Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Last times

The days go by so quickly. Ken's mom and her husband Ben came for a visit and left on Monday. Ben's son David came for a few days too. We spent quite a bit of time together as well as a day when Ken, his mom, and David went to Monterey together. They offered me a little break and I took it. Our final good-byes were actually Sunday evening as they were leaving early Monday. I asked Ken how that was, saying good-bye to his mom. He said he tried to be very "present" in his good-bye as he feels it was the last time he will see his mother. We both got choked up talking about it as we drove home.

There are a lot of "last times" occurring these days. I remember the last time Kenny brought me coffee in the morning because he could no longer carry the mug. I remember the last time he went and got the newspaper because the driveway was too steep and he felt he could easily fall. These "last times" were I knew it was the last. But most "last times" are not announced. They just happen and you don't really know it until you look back and realize....

And then there are the "last times" that are still yet to be and these more and more weigh on my mind. We kissed the other night. A sweet, long, romantic kiss. These are fewer and farther between these days, and even though I was caught up in the tenderness of the moment, I was also fighting hot tears knowing that this kiss may be the last. Of course there will be no announcement of our last kiss. It will just happen. Like so many other things it will just happen and I won't even know it. But I will think about it. Every kiss from now on, I will think about. I will wonder if this is it. And every night when we lie down in bed and say "sweet dreams", I will wonder about that too.

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